Covidiot News - Catholics to Try Magic Spells and Chants to End the Coronavirus Pandemic

Photo credit:Thérèse Westby/Unsplash (CC BY)

Pope Francis invites faithful to monthlong rosary marathon for end of pandemic.

Inspired no doubt by the singular lack of success with praying to make the coronavirus pandemic go away, the Pope has announced a month-long period for Catholics to try praying to make the coronavirus pandemic to go away. They are to do this ritually, while chanting short prayers in a strict order as predetermined by a string of magic beads, known as a rosary and bearing a strong resemblance to the 'worry beads' which are popular in Arab countries.

The belief is that ancient dead people will be alerted to the human requests and tell God about them. At the moment, God is not aware that the virus it created to make us sick is making us sick, or if he is aware of the success of his plan in that regard, he doesn't realise it's wrong. Having been so informed by his long-dead advisors, the belief is, he will see the error of his ways and stop his virus from working the way it was designed to work.

Sound like a plan?

Apparently, the Pope thinks so. According to this report in Religion News Service:

In this month of May, led by the shrines scattered throughout the world, we are reciting the rosary to pray for the end of the pandemic and for the resumption of social activity and work.

Pope Francis
5 May, 2021

Thirty sanctuaries located all over the world and dedicated to the Virgin Mary will take part in reciting the rosary in unison, each one in turn leading the prayer. From Poland to Nigeria to South Korea, faithful Catholics will join together with special intentions for those who have been affected the most by COVID-19.

This period of spell-casting by millions of Catholics will achieve more than medical science has so far with its vaccines which are reducing the seriousness of the Covid-19 illness the SARS-CoV-2 virus causes and reducing the rate of transmission from person to person.

Insanity Is Doing the Same Thing Over and Over Again and Expecting Different Results

Atrib. Albert Einstein
(Probably wrongly)

The spell-casting began on Wednesday, 5th May in South Korea at 'The Shrine of the Blessed Virgin of the Rosary' in Namyang. Over the next few days, more spell-casting took place at various shrines across the world, from the shrine of ' Our Lady of Lujan', in Argentina, 'The Sanctuary of Our Lady of Knock', Ireland and various other Marian shrines including 'Our Lady of Health', India and 'Our Lady of Lourdes', Myanmar, culminating is a special spell-casting ritual at 'The National shrine of the Immaculate Conception' in Washington, D.C., USA. where special spells will be cast to protect "all world leaders and for all heads of international organizations". This is expected to bring about:

...the end of the pandemic and the resumption of our social and economic life.

Despite this period of spell-casting, either no-one was listening or the dead remains of the legendary mother of Jesus either didn't ask God to change his perfect plan for mankind, or God declined to do so, since nothing whatsoever happened in terms of reduced transmissions or reduced mortality rates from Covid-19, which could not be directly attributed to the success of the vaccination and social distancing campaigns.

Last December, Pope Francis braved the rain to cast special anti-coronavirus spells at the 'Shrine of the Immaculate Conception' near the Spanish Steps in Rome, just as another, more serious, wave of infections was taking off over most of Europe and elsewhere.

It made no discernible difference whatsoever.

So, inspired by this spectacular failure, and following his policy of backing both horses in a two-horse race, Pope Francis then announced that he had asked the same dead person to ask God to divert the money intended for military purposes to medical research to prevent God from repeating his success with another similar virus or similar natural catastrophe.

Will this succeed? Don't hold your breath - if God's special virus isn't preventing you from breathing normally.

The only change so far seems to be the design of a new, more contagious variant, the 'Indian variant', that is threatening the tentative moves to lift the restrictions.

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