This translates as:
To Emperor Qin Shi Huang.It has been acclaimed as a Message From God! Christian apologist David Barton welcomed the find but explained that it was nothing new. "We have dozens of these messages from all over the world. They turn up regularly and are even quoted verbatim in the Declaration of Independence and in the US Constitution", he said.
Very sorry. No work on Great Wall. No one alive in world. All drown in flood of Christian Bible.
Sammy Chan, Foreman, East is Red Construction Team.
The Message, written on bamboo in what looks like a neat and expert hand, is to be displayed in Kent Hovind's Creation Museum.
Caretaker manager, Eric "Dr Dumbo" Hovind said, "We are delighted with this Message which Jesus has sent us. It was discovered by one of our hand-picked, highly trained researchers on a visit to China last week. He was very lucky to have met a man in a tourist market whose grandfather found it many years ago during the Cultural Revelations".
"Our Chinese experts have confirmed it is written in genuine Chinese. Only the One True Lord could inspire a Chinese peasant to write in perfect Chinese", he added.
The message has its doubters however. There are calls for it to be carbon dated and one expert pointed out that it is very unusual for Chinese antiquities to be stamped "Tourist Souvenir Factory #3, Shanghai" on the rear. A request to examine it by Chinese and US scientists and historians has been refused by the owner. "It has been fully vouchsafed by the Institute For Creation Research, so there is no doubt at all that it is authentic", said a Creation Museum spokesman. "The stamp on the reverse is clearly a forgery because that factory had not been built then".
Authentic copies, indistinguishable from the real thing, even bearing the same forgery for added authenticity, will be on sale at the museum, or by mail order, for a mere $500 (two for $950), or free with every donation over $5000 (postage and packaging $150).