Monday, 7 May 2012

40 Killer Arguments For Internet Creationists.

So, you've decided to be a Creationist and convince people that science is wrong and your favourite god really created the universe in six days out of nothing, and made humans out of dust (or a lump of mud). I bet you're really fed up with scientists and Atheists having all the facts, evidence and logic on their side and with having to make do without any. I bet you really wish you could win just one debate without having to flounce of in righteous indignation, avoid answering questions, needing to resort to abuse and threats, or simply boring the pants off people by repeating questions and ignoring answers until they ignore you.

Don't worry. You can win! This is all you need to do.
  1. Have a list of questions you don't want answered. Check on any Creationist website for these.
  2. Keep asking these questions over and over but ignore the answers.
  3. Never be tempted to follow any links or read any books which might be recommended.
  4. Demand absolute proof for every scientific theory. Never accept it.
  5. Claim Creationism is proved because it's written about in a book and you believe it.
  6. Produce random quotes from a religious book and claim that proves it.
  7. Say that faith is better than evidence so it must be true otherwise you wouldn't believe it.
  8. Claim to have absolute proof that your god exists. Never produce it because it might be falsifiable.
  9. Promise that you will produce that proof soon but demand that it be accepted first.
  10. Refuse to produce the proof because it would be wasted on someone who won't accept it.
  11. Never say what you would accept as proof of Evolution or the Big Bang in case it's provided.
  12. Never say what you would accept as falsifying Creationism in case it's provided.
  13. Never say what testable predictions Creationism makes in case they are tested.
  14. Never say what the definitive evidence for Creationism is, in case people look for it.
  15. Never explain why your version of Creationism is better then any other.
  16. Never explain why, if science is wrong, Creationism should be the only alternative on offer.
  17. Claim absence of evidence for your god isn't evidence of absence so it must be proof of presence.
  18. Don't worry about using a computer to argue that science doesn't work.
  19. When pressed for an answer you don't have, claim you've answered it already.
  20. Claim the evidence for Creation is 'everywhere' but people won't look at it.
  21. Complain that no one has ever managed to answer any of your questions.
  22. Assert that Darwin believed in Intelligent Design.
  23. Claim that Darwin recanted on his death bed.
  24. Claim that Darwin was a Communist.
  25. Say that irreducible complexity proves life is intelligently designed. Avoid technical discussion.
  26. Assert that Evolution was falsified by science many years ago.
  27. Claim that the Second Law of Thermodynamics means Evolution is impossible. Avoid discussion.
  28. Assert that there is no evidence for Evolution.
  29. Say that Darwin admitted God must have designed eyes.
  30. State that the Peppered Moths experiment was a fraud.
  31. State that Coelacanths prove Evolution doesn't happen.
  32. Claim that all fossils are forgeries made of plaster of Paris.
  33. Assert that there are no transitional fossils.
  34. Assert that Evolution has never been seen.
  35. Don't take any notice of the detailed rebuttals you'll get.
  36. If needs be, resort to condescension, passive-aggressive threats like saying you'll pray for them, and abuse.
  37. It's okay to call scientists mad because they usually are from all that reading and learning they do - which is why you should avoid it.
  38. Never get into technical arguments with real scientists, especially biologists, because you know how they can prove anything they want with facts.
  39. Tell people they'll burn in Hell if they don't agree with you.
  40. When you've got through this list just start again. People might have forgotten you had all of your questions answered and arguments refuted.

So there you are. You can now go on line and hold your head high in Creationist circles, sure of their admiration at the depth of your knowledge and the brilliance of your debating skills.

Those crazy elitist scientists and Godless heathen Atheists won't stand a chance!

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  1. Good stuff! But, maybe only 39, as #3 and #35 look to be the same.

    In different contexts, different ones might at any time be the "key" argument, but maybe #16 is the "most key," since a response to mindless creationism might be "well, even if evolution (and all science) were disproved tomorrow, that would not establish any given creator among the 10,000 or so possible candidates. Are you implying that Allah created everything? Or the Flying Spaghetti Monster?"

  2. Just a question. May I ask where your passion for your blogs comes from? What is your motivational force, per say? Why are you so insistent on mocking Christians and disproving God? People who dont believe in Santa Claus do not exert their time and energy into disproving his existence to others. Instead, they ignore it. Which means if you are truly atheist then you would have no commentary on any religion because you would already know what you believe.

    1. People who believe in Santa Clause don't campaign to teach lies to children, demand the right to make laws and control the lives of others, prohibit science and learning, victimise anyone they can get away with victimising, prevent moral and cultural development, and, when they don't get there own way, kill people who don't agree with them.

      In short, people who believe in Santa Claus don't use religion and an imaginary friend as something to blame for otherwise unacceptable behaviour and attitudes.

  3. I love it! I'll be linking to this post when I encounter morons. :)

  4. And never say why Creationism rejects science, but claim that it proves Creationism !


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