Thursday, 7 June 2012

The Fundomatic God Prover™

Fundamentalists seem to have been having a bad time recently as more and more people laugh at their arguments and counter them with reason, facts and logic.

I've always thought it a little unfair that fundamentalists, and especially Creationists have to cope with not having any evidence to support their claims, as though having to put up with an inability to think rationally and being inhibited by theophobia from thinking critically were not handicap enough.

So, to redress this imbalance, I bring you the Fundomatic Deity Prover©. Works for any god, even new ones.

Just pick any line at random to begin proving your favourite deity is real, then either follow the cross-references to join the others into a longer sentence by putting 'because' between them or wait till your opponent asks you for evidence for that assertion and use the next one to answer it. Don't forget to fill in the name of the god and your holy book correctly or you could be proving the wrong god. Remember to keep track of your position otherwise your proof might start to look like it's not joined up. When it starts to go round in circles tell your opponent that he/she keeps asking the same questions and break off the debate claiming victory. The best arguments are circular ones anyway because they keep proving themselves right and you don't need any real evidence.

After you've provided three or four of these proofs your opponent will probably realise he/she is not going to get very far with you and you will have won! Remember to always have the last word because that's what really counts.

What could be easier?

Any fundamentalist who thinks their best killer argument has been left out can add it to the comment section below. If they are new I'll adjust the F.D.P. to include them. Remember, they don't have to be provable.

The Fundomatic Deity Prover©
  1. I believe in [favourite god] so it must be true. (Go to 12)
  2. It's in the [favourite holy book] so it must be true. (Go to 9)
  3. [favourite god] created everything so he must exist. (Go to 21)
  4. Other Creationists say so, and I believe them. (Go to 1)
  5. There are lots of things we don't know or understand so it must have been [favourite god]. (Go to 18)
  6. There is only one god so it must be have been [favourite god]. (Go to 2)
  7. Earth is only 6000 years old so evolution is impossible. (Go to 4)
  8. You'll burn in Hell if you don't believe it. (Go to 20)
  9. It wouldn't be in the [favourite holy book] if it wasn't true. (Go to 8)
  10. You must be a fool not to believe it. (Go to 8)
  11. You're stupid if you don't believe in [favourite god]. (Go to 14)
  12. You can't prove [favourite god] is not true, so that proves it is. (Go to 16)
  13. All my friends believe it. (Go to 2)
  14. Millions of people can't be wrong about [favourite god] but they all are about the others. (Go to 10)
  15. Some famous scientists believed it. (Go to 5)
  16. Absence of evidence is not proof of absence, so it must be proof of presence. (Go to 14)
  17. You wouldn't know right from wrong otherwise. (Go to 4)
  18. You can't get something out of nothing, so it must have been [favourite god] who came from nothing and made everything from nothing. (Go to 4)
  19. The Second Law of Thermodynamics proves it. (Go to 15)
  20. Science is wrong. (Go to 19)
  21. Science has proved [favourite god] exists. (Go to 19)

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  1. For such a mopey miserabilist this actually suggest a sense of humor for you, Rosa. Sounds like an invention by Gilbert Ratchet. You're so, so poe-faced normally.

    1. Thank you for your smug condescension. Did it help you feel better about yourself?

    2. I'm stealing that reply. Just thought I'd warn you. ;-)

  2. Rosa, with Thomas Jefferson, I strongly urge gnu atheists to ridicule as much as needed!

  3. Rosa, with Jefferson, I urge ridiculing nonsence.
    You just might want to post at my blogs!
    Thank you for this vital blog!
    Morgan-LynnGiggs Lamberth
    Google if possible : Ignostic Morgan, Inquirng Lynn and Skeptic Griggsy for my posts elsewhere.
    I combine and permute arguments. I make explict arguments for what is implicit.

  4. Theophilia, not theophobia.

    1. That'll explain the tern 'god-fearing' then.

    2. Theophobia means "fear or dislike of gods or religion", not "god-fearing".

    3. >Theophobia means "fear or dislike of gods or religion", not "god-fearing".


      I'll leave this to stand as an example of religious double-think.

  5. That is great... but it seem very clear that you grabbed it from a Theist web site... that is EXACTLY what they do!


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