A Christian Guide to Making Your Wife Have Sex

Wholesome Christian husband using God-approved moral blackmail to force sexual compliance.

In a bid to understand the fascination of fundamentalist Christians with Donald Trump, and especially with their apparent admiration for his seduction technique, I thought I would conduct a little research into Christian teaching on bedroom matters, and in particular the approved gender roles within a marriage.

Remember, Donald Trump's seduction technique, and one of the qualities that so endear him to fundamentalist Christians, is to grab a passing woman by her 'pussy' and expect her to become uncontrollably aroused at the thought of his large wealth. So how does this fit in with current Christian teaching? For this I turned to the fundamentalist Christian blogsite, Biblical Gender Roles.

Firstly, Biblical Gender Roles says nothing about grabbing a woman by the pussy, though that may well be implied and is certainly not forbidden and, more importantly, it doesn't approve of Donald Trump's habitual adultery, so we have to assume there is something else going on behind fundamentalist Christians' approval of this behaviour. Maybe it's taken for granted that God still approves of multiple partners like he used to for tribal despots in the Old Testament. Maybe God expects and requires powerful men to have a private sexual morality not approved for lesser people.

Whatever, fundamentalist Christians seem to have no trouble with multiple examples of behaviour that would have earned Trump the penalty of death by stoning had their Old Testament Laws applied to him. And this is a little strange in itself because much of what follows if justified by reference to those same Old Testament laws that would have seen Trump under a pile of rocks outside the town gate.

But the rest of Trump's seduction techniques, and his blatant misogyny, seems to be entirely consistent with these God-approved gender roles. Women are required to have sex whether they want it or not. Their desires and opinions on the matter are of no importance. Here's how the fundamentalist Christians at Biblical Gender Roles explain God's requirements, and remember, this should only be between married couples in the privacy of their bedroom, using only the God-approved orifices and in the God-approved position. God will be watching, and even checking what has happened to every sperm!

Sexual Refusal

This is when a wife just comes out and says “NO!” or pushes your hands away. As I said in my post on “8 steps to confronting your wife’s sexual refusal” you as a husband should not tolerate refusal. If your wife says “NO” and slaps your hand away that is a disrespectful and unloving response by your wife to your sexual initiation and there is no sin in you trying to initiate sex with your wife.

Let's for a moment depart from the approved seduction technique and look at just what the author, who seems to have forgotten to put his name to the post, advises for when a wife commits the 'sin' of refusing her husband's sexual demands:

Christian Husbands – let me be crystal clear here. The situation I am addressing in this post is not your wife occasionally turning you down for sex (even with a bad attitude, as opposed to for health or other legitimate reasons). What I am addressing here is the wife who consistently and routinely denies her husband sexually simply because she does not need sex as much or she thinks she should not have to do it except when she is in the mood or she thinks her husband should have to earn sex with her by “putting her in the mood” by doing various things she expects or likes...

For all of the “Rape Accusers” out there, especially the ones that are hurling applications of domestic violence laws at me – I have written a special post just for you. It is entitled “The Frustrated Feminist Wife“.

In two previous posts in this series I addressed these key issues:

In “Christian Husbands – You don’t pay for the milk when you own the cow!” we established this Biblical principle:

Neither the husband, nor the wife have to earn sex in marriage.

A wife cannot flatly refuse her husband, she may only ask for a delay (a raincheck) and then she needs to make good on that raincheck as soon as possible.

A husband has the right to confront his wife’s sexual refusal as a sin not only against him, but also against God.

In “Is a husband selfish for having sex with his wife when she is not the mood?” I elaborated further on this subject of sexual refusal in marriage with these principles:

A husband ought not to feel guilty for having sex with his wife when she is not in the mood if she yields, even grudgingly.

A husband needs to use prayerful discernment to discover if her reasons for “not being in the mood” are for legitimate physical or mental health reasons or if the problem is wrong thinking and wrong attitude on the part of his wife. If her reasons are legitimate, then she needs to seek medical or psychological help as soon as possible...

Let me be clear on something, even if you do follow the steps below I give, this does not automatically mean you will get a change from your wife, or her repentance for her sexual immorality. And yes my friend it is sexually immoral for a wife (or husband for that matter) to deny their spouse sexually unless they have a legitimate physical or mental health grounds for doing so. Most people think of sexual immorality as only someone having sex outside marriage (pre-marital sex, adultery, incest, homosexual sex). But remember that when something is immoral, that means it is sin, and we know that sexual denial in marriage is sin, therefore it is accurate to call willful sexual denial in marriage an act of sexual immorality...

I am here to tell you there is something more you can and should do. You need to call out your wife’s sin for exactly what it is – sexual immorality.

Now that you know what you are fighting against you need to know what this fight might cost you. It may end with her walking out and possibly divorcing you. You must be prepared to do what is right, no matter what the cost...

As I said in previous posts – God wants sex in your marriage, your desire for sex in your marriage is not a sin, but rather it is a gift from God. My Pastor often says God put a desire in men and a command toward men that they be “intoxicated” or “ravished” by their wife’s body...

Your desire for your wife is not the sin, but instead it is your wife’s sinful sexual refusal that must be confronted...

8 Steps to confronting your wife’s sexual refusal

1. Rebuke her privately.
2. Stop taking her on dates or trips.
3. No unnecessary household upgrades.
4. Stop doing the little extra things.
5. Remove her funding.
6. Rebuke her before witnesses.
7. Bring her before the Church.
And if none of these work:
8. You have the option to divorce her for her sexual immorality.

So, because your wife (and she is YOUR wife!) has committed the sin of sexual immorality by disobeying her lord and master and deciding what she wants to do, you should apply an incremental humiliation, and progressive denial of support, finally bringing to bear the group pressure of her peers to shame her for her 'immorality'. If that fails, she's not worth bothering with anymore. She's clearly beyond help and can be abandoned to try to fend for herself as best she can.

You're not obliged to try to make yourself attractive to her or to make her want to make love to you or any of that pandering to her needs. You can just demand sex and she has to let you or suffer the consequences. Just feel that good Christian love!

Back now to those God-approved gender roles:

Sexual Rain-check

This is when you go to initiate sex with your wife and she responds kindly and gently. Perhaps she says something like “Honey, I know you really need it, but I am just really sick tonight, can I make it up to you tomorrow?” There are other reasons of course that a woman might legitimately ask for a rain-check of course like after the birth of a child, or surgeries, chronic pain flare-ups, deaths in the family and other reasons like these.

Of course you couldn't be expected to know she wasn't feeling well, had just given birth or had surgery, and how could you possibly know is if she was suffering chronic pain or there had been a death in the family! Is a husband expected to know everything?! Anyway, these things go completely out of a man's mind when he feels like a shag! Every woman should understand that!

Sexual Desire

This is her actually wanting to have sex with you and obviously this is what every man who loves his wife would prefer from his wife at every sexual encounter. But women are not like men are when it comes to sexual arousal. They just don’t instantly get horny and want to have sex. In most cases a woman’s desire for sex must be cultivated either by her husband, herself or a combination of the two.

Well, obviously! You can't expect your wife to be up for it as soon as you walk through the door, like you probably are, and quite right too! You have to ask her first. Then tell her. If that doesn't work, see above for how to punish her for this heinous immorality! But if she's up for it, go for it, even if it's a bit strange that she should be!

But to be fair, out Christian mentor goes into this is a little more detail because, obviously, Christian men are going to find it hard to understand that their wife might just not want it today, and might be getting ideas above her station and feeling that she might have some rights about how her vagina is used and by whom!

We as men are programmed by God to want our wives to have pleasure when we are having sex with her. When your wife looks (or sounds) like what you are doing is giving her pleasure that is what makes sex the best! That is what makes it the most fulfilling in not just a physical manner, but also a psychological manner.

But then we have the conundrum, women don’t always feel like having sex. Even women that have a healthy view of sex don’t always feel like having sex as much as their husbands do. Then we have the women who do not have a healthy view of sex and see it as “dirty” or just something you do to have babies.

So how do we solve this conundrum? He wants her to desire and enjoy sex and she may desire sex far less frequently or not at all.

Those who reject the Biblical concept that sex is both a gift and a duty in marriage solve this problem by saying “They should only have sex when they BOTH desire to have sex”. But that is not God’s answer...

The only time sex should not occur is when both the husband and wife give mutual consent not to for a short period of time...

As a husband you can attempt to cultivate desire for sex in your wife by doing what God has commanded you to do outside the bedroom – and that is to know your wife (I Peter 3:7). That means talking to her and hearing about her day and her concerns. It might also mean giving her a foot massage or a back massage after a rough day...

And there was me think that to 'know' your wife meant to give her good podgering! Apparently, it just means to take an actual interest in her and her welfare, and giving her feet and back a rub - until she agrees to sex.

Women are commanded by God to be their husband’s lovers (in every sexual and affectionate sense of that word)...

But in the end – your wife has to realize that the greatest impediment to her own enjoyment of sex may be her own mind! A woman’s mind can literally put her body in lock down mode and she may not enjoy any touch from you in that mindset. She must let go and focus on her body and understand how it works before she can truly enjoy sex.

But until your wife truly overcomes her impediments to sex should she fake it? I believe the answer is yes. I think as a husband you can let her know it is ok to “fake it until she makes it”.

So, until she's overcome her obvious mental problems, she should pretend to be enjoying it to please you! Don't bother too much about trying to ensure she actually enjoys it, or even wants to do it, because she has mental health issues that she only has herself to blame for. She's a sinner who's been wilfully sexually immoral and allowed Satan to tempt her, remember! Until she accepts her moral weakness and serious personality disorder, you can't expect much from her other than obedience! It's only natural.

But what if you have tried everything you can as husband but your wife refuses to do her part and look inward at things she can change in herself to help herself enjoy sex more and cultivate a desire?

What if she agrees to sex grudgingly and refuses to “fake it” but instead displays her displeasure the entire time?

First of all, your reaction of being upset at the displeasure on your wife’s face during sex that she has grudgingly agreed to is completely normal.

You need to realize that this is a physical need that you have as a man. You also need to realize that whether your wife knows it or not she needs to have sex too. Your marriage needs sex at regular intervals. If you don’t have sex with your wife at regular intervals, even sometimes when she is not in the mood but consents anyway, you will open yourself to temptation. You will find yourself becoming distant from your wife, because this is the primary way that you as man feel closeness with your wife.

Well, what you don't do is take 'no' for an answer and accept that as a good reason not to climb on top of her and use her as a sex toy. That would definitely not be the Christian thing to do!

Here's what you do:

Focus your eyes on her body, not her face. Focus on the visual pleasure you receive from looking at her body and physical pleasure you receive from being inside your wife.

I know you love your wife, most of us as men love our wives. You want to connect with her physically AND emotionally during sex. But your wife is the one refusing to connect with you emotionally, so you have to concentrate 100% on the physical side...

I know you love your wife, most men love their wives. But sin is ugly. Your beautiful bride’s face becomes ugly during this sinful time that she is grudgingly giving you sex as she grimaces wanting you to “just hurry up and get it over with”.

You just get on with it and use her. It's her sinful fault that she's not enjoying it and didn't even want it! And if she gets pregnant, remember, no abortions! God wanted you to shag her because he had plans for that special sperm! You were doing it for God. That's why he gave her to you!

It is sad that any husband ever has to do this. This is not what God intended sex to be. But we live in a sin cursed world – we are sinners and so are our wives. Sometimes we have to work around the sinful behavior of our wives and this will be one of those times.

Yes this a way to cope with and deal with your wife’s sin but at the same time keep sex happening in your marriage. But don’t stop trying to work with your wife outside the bedroom, and remember to pray for your wife every day that God will work in her heart and change her wrong attitude toward his wonderful gift of sex.

Yep! So sad that women just won't turn themselves into sex-slaves on demand and sometimes need to be humiliated and bullied into having sex whenever and however their husbands tell them to.

Which of course is exactly what Donald Trump requires of his women, and even women he happens to share a lift with. He can be forgiven his little indiscretions outside marriage because, on the whole, he displays these admirable Christian attitudes towards women, just as God intended and programmed men to have. Whatever happens, by hook or by crook, men have the Christian duty to shag the woman of their choice whenever they want to, and no sinner of a woman should ever deny them that God-given right!

Trump's attitude to women obviously represents all that's best in Christian values and makes him admirably qualified to be President of the United States. It's just what God would want.

[NB: Those are actual verbatim quotes from a real Christian website. I really didn't make them up. I don't think I could have. Sometimes the real thing is better than any satire or anti-Christian propaganda could be.

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